May 3, 1992
About sixteen people have told me I’m “timid.” Even Jamil, the other night, remarked: “When you first came, you were very quiet. Now you’re starting to relax more. I can see the difference.”
What the fuck is that? I’m not timid. Why do I come across that way?
I should make up a little litany to repeat to myself every time I find myself at a party among strangers or meeting people for the first time: “I don’t have to prove anything. I don’t have to impress anybody. These people are as bored with the usual formulas as I am. All they want is a human connection, to snap them out of themselves. They want to laugh and have a good time and feel something, for God’s sake, the same as I do.”
Another thing: When I run across a girl I really like (that rarest and most wondrous of occurrences), don’t rush things! Just behave as if I’m enjoying her company and it makes me happy to be with her, but it’s as if we met by chance and there’s no real expectation that we’ll ever run into each other again. Make eye contact, but don’t stare… Listen, be relaxed and friendly and not, for God’s sake, needy… I’m just moving through the world, always vaguely hoping to come across a kindred spirit, but not really expecting anything. In a word: Be generous!
